Life is a Beautiful Ride pt2

Life is a Beautiful Ride
    Pt. II ...

11/20/15  
Wednesday has come and gone and I have survived! By the time I got to Vandy, the clarity that had eluded me for so long came. When fear grips you, you don't think logically at times. When I finally let reality take its hold, peace became more available. I started putting things into perspective. I was going to be the "patient who passed away or lost their vocal cord" had changed to "I have one of the best surgeons at Vandy who never had a patient pass away". It also went from "if at thirteen my daughter could handle her tonsils coming out, I can survive my thyroid and parathyroid getting out." I am sure she was scared out of her mind, but she was courageous and strong. I decided I would be strong like her and allow it to only be considered a "small" surgery like getting tonsils out. It really worked and I was more positive and in control from the illogical reasoning I had allowed to take over for 1 1/2 years.  

Selfie in my new "Do not Disturb" pjs

The surgery was the last one my doctor had that day and said by the measure of the other surgeries was a very easy surgery that lasted about three hours. By the time I went into surgery, I was put even more at ease with some meds. I remember going into the surgery room, them asking my name & date of birth and then getting ready to put me on the table; after that, I was out. I woke up in recovery telling them to help, my throat hurt, give me more meds and let me sleep it off. Somewhere in those many times of calling out and getting more meds and dozing off, I realized I was actually talking, something I didn't think I would be able to do for at least a week after surgery. I'm sure that comes to much displeasure of my kiddos who thought mom might not be able to talk for a bit! A huge blessing was my sister got to take care of me in recovery. I remember her there some as I would doze in and out. I don't know how long I was in there for, but she did change my gown for me and wheel me to my room. I remember putting my hand on hers and thanked her for praying for me earlier before I went to surgery. She comforted me just by being there and I love her for that. We forgot to take a picture together :( She said we could do a redo and I said "NO! No redo's!" 

My recovery caretaker aka My sister!

As I knew beforehand, both thyroids were taken out. They have sent those off to pathology and results will be in soon to see what the outcome was. However, he said from the looks it seems very positive. I ended up having not just one, but two parathyroids took out due to a second on the same side also being enlarged. My parathyroid (PTH) levels that control taking calcium out of my bones have gone from 132 to 22! The other two parathyroids on my right side look small and fantastic. My calcium levels are still a concern as they have remained high and that is something I will have to go back for in a week to get tested. The incision itself is about two inches wide in the crease of my neck. Still not looking forward to having that there, but I am healthier for it.

Why did I decide to write and share all this? For one, I was convinced I might not make it and wanted my family to know that they are my "beautiful ride". The second... I never like to mix personal and business, I try to keep the two separate. I was going to erase the first blog post about the upcoming operation and my fears if I made it through, but have decided not to. I know that it can come across as a big "baby" with a bigger exaggeration about the surgery itself, but that's just it, fear sometimes keeps us locked within our own self and don't always make logical sense to anyone but us. However, I want to leave it up to possibly show others who might be allowing their fears to so grip them that they stay put in the situation and not step out of their comfort zone or away to think clearly. I think we can all relate to that. So here goes the ride on a lesson learned...

Yes, I did make him lay with me in the hospital bed! He kept me warm and I would not allow him to sleep on a tiny seat.

In my very first blog post, I talked about the fear of stepping out and failing others but decided to take that chance and start becca Anne Barn Sale. Then the last post was personal about my own health and the fear of the unknown again stopping me in a different way. As humans, we seem to fear so much when we have been truly blessed by Him more than we could ever hope for. We so let irrational fear control us, that we stop letting life live within us. I was allowing my health to go unchecked for fear that something else could happen, all the while He was holding me but I wouldn't let Him. He has taught me many times to let go and let Him but I seem to be defiant in this area. This ended up being a minor surgery, compared to other surgeries, but I made it "HUGE" as I said in my last post. I let my mind take it to a completely different perspective and not focus on what truly needed focusing, the possibility of the nodules being cancerous, (though it does look be good). Could something had gone wrong and still go wrong, yes. But I want to trust that He will take care of the situation no matter. He doesn't need me to hold it all the time and I want to remember that when the results come in. 

Are you someone that allows fear to so grip you that you are holding that burden by yourself or ignoring an issue? Rather than allowing that peace to come, we choose to trust the fear more. Trust Him to hold you up and let go. All decisions do need to come with peace and not just "jump all in." I guess my point is when life is rocky or consumed with fear, don't just rely on your own self. Reach out to those you have to help you along and share your fears with to hold you up. Most importantly, always choose Him to ride this beautiful life with. I chose an irrational decision that could hurt me in the long run, simply because I could not see clearly due to trusting my fear more. We cannot control the situation or even the outcome but we can control our reaction. Don't let your mind so consume you that you simply choose to stand still. Instead, remember "Life is a Beautiful Ride".... enjoy it and take that ride!

Shutting the gate for now,