Life is a Beautiful Ride pt1

Life is a Beautiful Ride

Pt. I ....

11/17/15  
I have been working on this website trying to get it all done soon to open the application process up. However, I have been intentionally waiting to open that up until around December 1st. Tomorrow I will have surgery and am waiting on some results of a test that will be done to know if this would be an appropriate time to have a barn sale, to have it later, or if it will need to be cancelled. If everything is a go, the process will open up at the time stated above. Until then, here is a bit of an explanation...



Today was a normal routine for me dropping my kids off at school and then to pick up some items needed at home. However, in my stop at Wal-Mart, I also made time to look at the pajamas they had in stock. You see, since giving birth to my first child, I had my own tradition of not only getting that "first baby" outfit, I would also buy a brand new set of pj's for me to wear at the hospital. This would be done for four times :) Since my last baby, who is now 15, there has been no need to buy a "special occasions" pj set until today. Tomorrow will be the first time I've had to have any overnight hospital stays since then. I found myself looking for those special pj's that just spoke to me and I just loved. I thought about buying the Batman pj's, because my kids like to say "always be Batman." So I thought I would and transform into Batman for a day with superhero strength to get through this surgery. I also found and bought one that said: "Do not Disturb!" I truly wanted a different set but it was not available in my size. More on the one I really wanted later......

This surgery is by all means nothing major by doctors standards, but to me it's HUGE! I have put it off for over 1 1/2 years just at the thought of being "put under" and having them cut my throat for a parathyroid surgery and possibly damaging my vocal cords for the thyroids that also needed to be removed. I had gone to an endocrinologist at Vandy to prepare for the surgery and it was there I discovered I had a nodule on my thyroid. She explained they would do a biopsy to see if nodule was benign but the probability was very low. I think her words put me at ease so much so, that after having the surgery set up, I "chickened" out. Would I ever suggest this to anyone? No, I would be horrified if my children delayed it with something that seemed so vain. I am not a vain person, but fear has controlled me over this. However, I knew The Lord had warned me about neglecting this and even allowing it to be discovered as it had. I very much so warn my own children about not listening when He is talking, and yet I did, putting my life in jeopardy. I decided to get over that fear at the first of this year, well, at least decided to get it done finally. However, it has taken until now to find a doctor I was more comfortable with and have it done. Finding the right doctor is a whole other post. Finding him was was a big thank you to my sister, who works in the recovery surgery area at Vandy, and referred him to me. When I saw a Facebook post she "liked" and it was about this doctor being overseas to do mission work as a doctor, I was a bit more at peace and was excited he would be my doctor. I also read Rory Feeks blog on all his beautiful wife, Joey, was going through with cancer and it also inspired me to not allow myself to dare cancel this surgery again. As I read about his love for his wife and how she was not doing well, I sat there and cried and wondered just how I could dare put my family in this situation over my own selfish fears! 

When I went to this new doctor she referred me to, at the last minute he decided to do another ultrasound, which was what was used the first time to find the nodule. This time, he found on the other side of the throat three nodules, one with calcification in the nodule. This is not a good sign by any means and the look on his face told me so. So I knew there was no tempting it anymore, ignoring it, or playing fate... it became all too real by that look. What had been warned to me has truly... possibly... put me in more danger because I chose to ignore. During surgery, they will find out if any of the nodules are cancerous and what all it involves afterwards. In a strange twist, he said me waiting really did not effect it much. One of the reasons I have concluded is, the three nodules were not detected last time. Unless they found it during the surgery, I could had gone on my merry way and not known anything was wrong. With me waiting and the other nodules appearing, it did at least give that clarity that both sides, not just one side of the thyroid needed to be taken out.

Tomorrow I will go in, full of fear, but know I would have my kids to do the same. I will have a permanent scar that all can see, and forever and forever I have to take a pill! Maybe I will learn to think of scars as my kids do, their battle scars, but I don't see that happening. But reality is sinking in and fear does have a grip in the unknown and it makes you think about things more....

As I looked at more pj's, I found the perfect pj's for me, except they didn't have my size! The sentiments still sat in.... Life is a Beautiful Ride. Tears came to my eyes as I looked at those pj's realizing just how beautiful this ride has been so far. I have been truly blessed way more than anyone truly deserves to be and why I'm not sure. I have a husband that has loved me when I truly am broken and mean at times. I have a mom and children that forgive me and love me for my meanness also. And I have a Lord that has given me many chances to grow with much more work to go! I also need to remind those I love that I truly value them, I need to forgive, and I need to allow them to see how their ride is beautiful and let them become even more incredible through Him and their own ride. With that, I am reminded that I should not be anxious for tomorrow, I should not fear, and He knows the plans for us... but I still would be lying if I said I was at peace about this surgery or what lies ahead. Yes, I am a huge baby with going under and all the other things floating around in my head. I guess it's a control freak type of deal not knowing how the surgery will go or what the prognosis will be. 

However, there are times when you have to just let go, let God and know Life is a Beautiful Ride!

"Cheesing" at a Skillet concert with my kiddos

Shutting the gate for now,